The Destructive Habits Coaches and Leaders Coach out of Project Managers
Courage: Lack of courage leads project managers to avoid questioning and diminish their leadership capacity.
Control: Extremes in behavior, either passivity or aggressiveness, hinder effective project management.
Strategy: Focusing only on tasks and not understanding the underlying strategy undermines project value.
Stakeholder Management: Project managers must balance stakeholder demands and not let them control the project dynamics.
Tools: Over-reliance on tools can stifle creativity and limit team problem-solving and communication.
Project managers are often the most certified professionals in the workforce. They accumulate credentials, master frameworks, and learn to wield an ever-growing arsenal of tools. Yet for all that training, the thing that most often derails a project manager's effectiveness isn't a knowledge gap — it's a behavioral one.
Over the course of our interviews with experienced PM coaches and leaders, a clear pattern emerged: the habits that hold project managers back are rarely about what they don't know. They're about what they haven't yet unlearned.
Here's what the experts have to say about the top destructive habits they most often have to coach out of PMs.
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The Courage Problem: When PMs Are Too Passive
Ask any experienced coach or leader what they see most often, and some version of the same answer keeps coming up: project managers who don't push back.
Kiron Bondale puts it plainly. "The number one destructive behavior that I see is not exhibiting sufficient courage," he says, describing what he calls the order-taking mode — "where it's like a senior stakeholder comes to them, asks for something, and they're like, 'yes, sir, I will, sir,' and they're off and running." It's a pattern that looks like professionalism on the surface but quietly undermines the PM's ability to lead.
The number one destructive behavior I see is not exhibiting sufficient courage.
The same instinct shows up in meetings, in planning sessions, and in the earliest stages of a project. Alexandria O'Bannon describes the cost of staying silent when something doesn't add up: "Some project managers are afraid to speak up when things don't make sense, when they have questions, or have a better idea. But if they would've asked those questions at the beginning, they would've gotten clarity and alignment." The issues surface after the fact, when it would have mattered most at the very beginning.
Some project managers are afraid to speak up when things don’t make sense, when they have questions, or have a better idea.
Bruno Morgante frames the same habit in terms of what he calls "automated mode." "Sometimes when someone tells us to do a thing, we immediately enter an 'automated mode.' It's like, 'ok, they tell me to do it, I have to do it. Without waiting even 10 minutes to process it and ask, 'why are we doing it?'" The pause — the simple act of questioning purpose before execution — is the habit most PMs never develop.
Sometimes when someone tells us to do a thing, we immediately enter an ‘automated mode.’ It’s like, ‘ok, they tell me to do it, I have to do it. Without waiting even 10 minutes to process it and ask, ‘why are we doing it?'
The Opposite Extreme: Aggression, Control, and the Hero Complex
Coaching project managers out of passivity doesn't mean pushing them toward dominance. Some PMs don't shrink under pressure — they overreact to it, and that comes with its own set of consequences.
Susanne Madsen works with both ends of the spectrum. On one side, she sees what happens when stress activates a controlling streak: some people "are very strong drivers, and when somebody's a strong driver, it means that in stressed situations, they could become actually aggressive or overly controlling." On the other side is an equally damaging pattern — PMs who "are too agreeable, who always say yes, who worry that they're not good enough or about saying no, inevitably end up taking on too much onto their shoulders." Neither extreme serves the project or the team.
PMs who are too agreeable, who always say yes, who worry that they’re not good enough or about saying no, inevitably end up taking on too much onto their shoulders.
Then there's the hero complex — perhaps the most insidious behavioral trap of all because it can masquerade as dedication. Dr. Mike Clayton describes it as "the sense that as project managers, we have to be a hero and save the day," but the real problem runs deeper than ego."The other negative aspect of hero mentality," he notes, "is that saving the day gets noticed, so there are incentives to letting the project slide and then saving the day." When rescue becomes rewarded, the system quietly learns to manufacture crises.
A negative aspect of hero mentality is that saving the day gets noticed, so there are incentives to letting the project slide and then saving the day.
Part of managing a project well is also managing how you receive bad news — and that's a skill many PMs underestimate. Johanna Rothman coaches leaders to be deliberate about their reactions: "If you get bad news, make sure you do not frown or put your head in your hands or anything like that. And if you do, say, 'I'm not upset with you, bearer of bad news, I'm so glad you told me... I am upset at the bad news.'" The distinction matters enormously. A PM who shoots the messenger, even through body language alone, guarantees they'll stop receiving honest updates.
If you get bad news, make sure you do not frown or put your head in your hands or anything like that. And if you do, say, ‘I’m not upset with you, bearer of bad news, I’m so glad you told me.'
Losing Sight of the "Why": Tactical Execution Over Strategic Thinking
There is a version of project management that looks perfectly competent from the outside — risks logged, schedules updated, action items tracked — and yet contributes almost nothing of real value. It's what Bill Dow calls the "checkbox PM" mentality.
"We have a lot of checkbox PMs," he says. "I just want to do my risk logs, my issues, my actions, but that's not where the value is. The value is in the strategy... Do you actually know the project you're running — not just what are the risks and the schedule of the project — do you know the business outcome, the ROI?" Knowing how to run a project and understanding why it exists are two very different capabilities, and too many PMs stop at the former.
We have a lot of checkbox PMs. They think, ‘I just want to do my risk logs, my issues, my actions, but that’s not where the value is. The value is in the strategy.
Oliver F. Lehmann connects this to a broader rigidity in how PMs approach their work. He coaches against "black and white thinking, where I think we have a lot of gray shades between black and white," arguing that PMs who rigidly adhere to a single methodology are often the same ones who jump into execution prematurely. "Project managers have a tendency to jump into the task or challenge when they don't understand the thing that they should do first is clarify their role." Strategy, context, and authorization come before action — but the instinct to get moving often wins.
Project managers have a tendency to jump into the task or challenge when they don’t understand the thing that they should do first is clarify their role.
Stakeholder Management Gone Wrong: Who's Really Running the Project?
A project manager who can't hold their ground with a powerful stakeholder isn't really managing the project — they're being managed by it.
Christina Sookram identifies this as one of the most common dynamics she works to change. "What often happens in real practice is that sometimes depending on the power and the influence of stakeholders, they tend to manage you," she explains. Her coaching response is direct: "You have to have your position and know what things you're willing to compromise on and what you're not." The ability to distinguish between flexibility and capitulation is one of the defining skills of a truly effective PM.
What often happens in real practice is that sometimes depending on the power and influence of stakeholders, they tend to manage you. You have to have your position and know what you’re willing to compromise on what what you’re not.
The Tools Trap: When Process Becomes a Crutch
Project management software exists to support human judgment — not replace it. When teams forget that distinction, the tools stop being an asset and start being an excuse.
Julia Rajic watched this dynamic play out firsthand on her team, describing how it reached a point "where people would say, 'I'm not doing the work until I have a task created for it.' Or, 'I'm not being creative or problem solving because this task does not tell me to do that.'" Her response was to pull back deliberately: "I actually said, we need to walk it back. My catchphrase there was talk more, task less." When the tool becomes the authority, the team stops thinking.
Talk more, ‘task’ less.
Megan Cotterman points to granular task tracking as a specific culprit. "Some teams might try to track all tasks at a very granular level, and I think that that can create some micromanaging and slow down execution," she says. Her advice is to shift focus: "Moving to a more deliverable or milestone-based tracking method can help teams move faster." The goal is progress, not documentation of every micro-step along the way.
Moving to a more deliverable or milestone-based tracking method can help teams move faster.
People Are Not Projects: The Human Side of Delivery Leadership
When a strong project manager steps into a people leadership role, they often bring their best PM instincts with them — and those instincts can cause real damage.
Pam Butkowski names the habit directly: "Everybody, especially project managers, can often slide naturally into this place of looking at your people as projects." The problem is that people don't operate like workstreams. "Don't look at your people as projects," she urges, and the accountability that comes with true leadership is non-negotiable: "[When you're a leader] you no longer get to call somebody else when you have a performance issue with somebody on your team and say, can you please go deal with this? It's yours."
Don’t look at your people as projects.
On the other end of people management sits a different kind of trap — the instinct toward endless patience. Varun Anand describes his own experience on this: "I believe in giving chances a lot, I believe in second chances, people make mistakes, but if you see somebody is not the right fit for the project, don't take too long to remove them from it." Compassion is a virtue in leadership. Letting it become avoidance is not.
If you see someone is not the right fit for the project, don’t take too long to remove them from it.
Awareness Is the Beginning
Across every habit covered here, a common thread runs through them all: they feel reasonable in the moment. Saying yes to a senior stakeholder feels respectful. Jumping straight into execution feels productive. Holding on to an underperforming team member feels kind. Logging every task feels thorough.
The work of coaching project managers isn't about teaching them to do more — it's about helping them see what they're already doing, and choosing differently. The PM who pauses before executing, pushes back with confidence, understands the business case behind their project, holds the line with stakeholders, gives their team room to think, and manages people as people rather than resources — that PM isn't just running projects well. They're leading.
The habits described in this article aren't character flaws. They're defaults. And like any default, the first step to changing them is simply knowing they're there.
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