The No-BS Guide to Dealing with Difficult Stakeholders

Look, I’m not here to sugarcoat things or give you some LinkedIn-fluff about emotional intelligence and soft skills. You’re here reading this because you've been through the wringer (or are actively going through it) with your project “stakeholders."

Whether you’re drowning in stakeholder drama or just trying to avoid it, I’m here to validate your experiences, help you stop gaslighting yourself, and give you some approaches to:

1. Identify difficult stakeholders before they become a problem
2. Customize your approaches and methods to manage these stakeholders
3. Earn respect (and all that cash money) from how amazing you are at stakeholder management
4. Get out of the ninth circle of stakeholder hell

And if you’re wondering, “Why are YOU talking about this?”—let me tell you. I’ve been through the wringer myself. I don’t always do things perfectly, but I’ve learned a thing or two, and I’m here to share it.

So pull up your jorts, and let’s figure out how to keep your project on track, your team happy, and your job secure.

7 Stakeholder Personas (And How to Deal With Them) 

Before you can manage your difficult project stakeholders, you need to know who you’re dealing with. Most of them will test your patience, but there are some good ones out there that will actually help you move toward your project goals.

But managing stakeholders isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. Sometimes, you need to throw down and hold people accountable with a hard, no-BS approach. Other times, a softer, more finessed touch will get you farther. And most of the time, you’ll be working the in-between—staying assertive while not tipping into full-on confrontation.

So here they are—the most common (and exhausting) stakeholder archetypes you’ll run into. For each of them, I’m also giving you three scripts for how to handle them:

• The hard-hitting option when you need to lay it down
• The softer, more collaborative approach for when you need to smooth things out
• The balanced response—confident, clear, and right in that sweet spot

1. The Gossip Queen

The Gossip Queen loves a secret but can’t keep one. You’ll figure out who they are within the first week—probably because they’ll be your closest ally at first, until you realize they’re playing both sides. Use them to spread strategic messages, but never share anything you wouldn’t want repeated. Kind of like famous momager, Kris Jenner—deep in everyone’s business, making more problems than solutions, and weaponizing information like a mastermind.

How To Deal With Them

Limit sensitive info. Assume anything you share will get out. Keep them on a strict need-to-know basis.

• “This information is confidential. If it gets out, it’ll derail the project.”
• “Let’s hold off on sharing this until we finalize the details.”
• “I’ll keep you posted as things solidify. Let’s stick to the confirmed details for now.”

Leverage their strengths. If they’re going to talk, make sure they’re spreading your message. Feed them strategic updates you want circulating.

• “This is the message we need shared—make sure everyone hears it exactly like this.”
• “This might be a big change for the team—what’s the best way to introduce this update?”
• “That’s an interesting perspective—how do you think others will react?”

2. The Bottleneck

The Bottleneck is perpetually “in another meeting” or “handling a critical priority.” The team moves forward without their input—only for them to finally show up and demand rework. They will slow everything down if not managed properly. Think Bill Lumbergh from Office Space: always too busy for decisions, but somehow never too busy to derail your progress—with coffee in hand and vague feedback at the ready.

How To Deal With Them

Set expectations early. Make deadlines explicit and document agreements.

• “We can’t move forward without your input. Respond by [specific date], or we’ll escalate.”
• “We need your feedback by [specific date] to keep things on track—does that work for you?”
• “Your input is critical here. When’s the best time for us to connect?”

Ask for a proxy or create contingencies. If they’re not available, someone else needs to step in.

• “If you don’t have time, assign someone who can give us what we need. No response isn’t an option.”
• “If you’re unavailable, is there someone else on your team who can provide input?”
• “If we don’t hear back by [specific date], we’ll move forward with [fallback decision]. Let us know if that works.”

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3. The Sour Patch Kid

The Sour Patch Kid will be sweet in meetings, but quick to DM someone on Slack to trash your project. They’ll nod enthusiastically in a workshop and then whisper to leadership that the whole thing should be canceled. It’s giving Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl energy—charming and supportive on the surface, scheming behind the scenes. Keep tabs on their communication, document conversations, and get ahead of their narratives before they spin out of control.

How To Deal With Them

Hold them accountable. Document conversations and confirm action items in writing.

• “You’re responsible for communicating this. If it’s not done, it’s on you.”
• “Can you confirm you’ll share this with the group by [specific date]?”
• “Thanks for discussing this earlier! Here’s a quick recap to make sure we’re aligned.”

Encourage transparency. Call out the side conversations and direct feedback to the right channels.

• “I’m aware there’s been miscommunication. Bring your feedback to me directly next time.”
• “If there’s feedback or concerns, I’d love to hear it directly so we can address it.”
• “Let’s clarify where we’re aligned so everyone’s on the same page moving forward.”

4. The Threatened One

The Threatened One always takes it like you’re stepping on their turf. They’ll avoid you, undermine you, or make power plays by hoarding information. Think Dwight Schrute from The Office—constantly trying to assert dominance, undermining others when he feels insecure, and convinced he should be in charge. Build trust carefully, show you’re not a threat, and if that fails, find ways to work around them.

How To Deal With Them

Build rapport. Show that you value their expertise and aren’t trying to compete.

• “You’re either with me or in my way. Decide how you want to move forward.”
• “We’re working toward the same goals. What do you need from me to feel supported?”
• “Your expertise on [topic] is so valuable—what’s your take on this?”

Position yourself as a partner. Align your work with their priorities.

• “This isn’t about you. It’s about what’s best for the project.”
• “We’re aligned on the bigger picture—how do we combine our strengths here?”
• “I’m here to get the job done, not step on your toes. Let’s figure this out together.”

5. The Bro

The Bro is loud, confident, and always talking about investments, golf, or gym gains. They're not the biggest threat—just an energy drain. They'll talk over you (especially if you're a woman), ignore your input, and definitely won’t be the one taking notes. This archetype is back in vogue, with tech founders leaning into the “tycoon look.” Think Mark Cuban: wealthy, competitive, and convinced he knows more than you. Stand your ground, demand respect, and don’t let the bravado throw you off.

How To Deal With Them

Command the room. Speak with authority and don’t let them steamroll you.

• “Hey, put the phone down. We need your input now.”
• “It looks like you’ve got a lot going on—do you need a quick recap of where we are?”
• “Hey [Bro’s Name], can I get your thoughts on this? I want to make sure we’re aligned.”

Redirect their focus. Keep conversations on track and reinforce priorities.

• “This is important, and I need your attention. Can we prioritize this right now?”
• “Let’s focus on this issue—your input here is critical to the next steps.”
• “I noticed we’re veering off topic. Let’s circle back to the main point.”

6. The Debbie Downer

The Debbie Downer is skeptical from day one. Their default response to any new idea? “Engineering will never go for this.” They thrive on poking holes, pointing out what won’t work, and reminding everyone of past failures. While their concerns aren’t always wrong, their negativity can grind progress to a halt. Think Larry David—sharp, cynical, and always ready to spot the flaw in the plan. Hear them out, acknowledge the valid points, but don’t let them derail the momentum.

How To Deal With Them

Acknowledge their concerns. Let them know they’ve been heard without letting them stall momentum.

• “We’ve already addressed this issue. Let’s move on.”
• “Good news—we’ve already resolved [issue], so that’s one less hurdle.”
• “I hear you—this might be a challenge. What’s the best way to address it?”

Focus on solutions. Shift the conversation from problems to actionable steps.

• “Let’s brainstorm actionable steps to address your concerns.”
• “I get where you’re coming from—how can we turn this into an opportunity?”
• “What’s one thing we can control here to move this forward?”

7. The Advocate

The Advocate is the only “good” type of stakeholder on this list—but the hardest to find and keep. This person sings your praises when you’re not around, fights for your project, and makes your life easier. Think Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson—someone who hypes up their colleagues, rallies the crowd, and makes everyone around them look good. Find them early, nurture the relationship, and hold on tight. Losing them can be just as frustrating as dealing with the rest.

How To Deal With (And Keep) Them

Show gratitude. Recognize their contributions so they stay engaged.

• “I need you to champion this in the next meeting. Can I count on you?”
• “I’d love your perspective on this before we take it to the group—what do you think?”
• “Thank you for bringing up [my suggestion/our work] in that meeting—it really helped move things forward.”

Keep them informed. Give them updates so they can continue advocating for you.

• “Here’s an update—I thought you’d want to know since you’ve been such a strong supporter.”
• “We’re planning [initiative], and your input would be invaluable. Can we connect on this?”
• “I wanted to let you know we hit the milestone early—thanks for helping make that happen.”

Stakeholder Management 101

There are probably a dozen other stakeholder archetypes you’ll run into while working on a project. But your goal with each should be the same: to turn them into advocates. 

Below are some proactive things you can start doing today to help you do that (and to make sure you have your booty covered when it comes time to address difficult stakeholders). They may make you roll your eyes since they’re so obvious to the role of a DPM—but let’s walk through them anyways:

1. Be nice. Research published in PLOS One found that acts of kindness and prosocial behaviors significantly boost peer acceptance. In other words, the more you genuinely engage with and support others, the more likely they are to support you in return.
2. Be authentic. How many times have you been told to “just be yourself.” Well, turns out everything does kind of boil down to that. When it comes to stakeholder engagement, work to build authentic connections, find common ground, and consistently demonstrate goodwill. By doing so, you’ll not only foster stronger relationships—you’ll also create a network of stakeholders who are more inclined to champion your cause.
3. Take care of yourself. Before you can manage anyone else, you need to manage yourself. If you’re running on empty, even small problems will feel massive. To keep your tank full, remember to pause before responding to difficult situations. Reschedule meetings if you’re not in the right headspace (I give you permission). And prioritize basic self-care: sleep, exercise, and spending time with loved ones.
4. Build alliances. This isn’t about brown-nosing—it’s about building trust. Learn what motivates your stakeholders, what scares them, and how you can align your goals. I just listened to a podcast on this topic that you need to check out.
5. Leave a paper trail. Document everything. Meeting notes, decisions, and action items aren’t busywork—they’re your safety net when memories fade or conflict arises. Nobody cares about this until they ask for it, and being ready for when they do will give you a head start.
6. Celebrate wins. Act like you’re trying to get your stakeholder promoted. Whether it’s a Slack shoutout or a big party, celebrate milestones and successes. It builds goodwill and keeps morale high.

3 Steps to Escalate Issues To Leadership

Now, most of the time, stakeholder challenges aren’t going to just magically solve themselves by being nice. Sometimes, you'll have to escalate issues you're having to someone higher up in the organization.

So first things first—take a deep breath. Now repeat after me: “Escalating problems is a GOOD thing. It does not mean I suck at project management. It does not mean I’ve failed.”

I know, I know—escalation can feel uncomfortable as a DPM. It can make you second-guess yourself: "If I had just X, Y, or Z, maybe this wouldn’t be a risk and I wouldn’t have to escalate it." And suddenly, you’re sweating bullets because all eyes are on you, and everyone’s looking for someone to blame. Been there. But trust me—there’s a right way to handle this.

Step 1: Track Your Risks (Before They Track You)

Before you even think about escalating, make sure you're actively tracking risks—because surprises are only fun at birthday parties. [Although side note, I still have yet to encounter a “good” surprise in my life.]

At a minimum, you should be capturing risks in your weekly status reports so leadership isn't blindsided when an issue escalates. If you want to go the extra mile (or just be really fancy), maintain a RAID log (Risks, Assumptions, Issues, Dependencies) to systematically track potential problems and their mitigation plans.

This is important to note: bad stakeholder behavior can be a risk and you should tactfully track it.

Step 2: Identify What Needs to Be Escalated

Not every stakeholder issue needs to be escalated. And ideally, you're getting ahead of potential conflicts before they need escalation. (DPM's Conflict Resolution Checklist can be a helpful tool in navigating this smoothly).

But there will be cases where all of the conflict resolution in the world won't help you. Here are some common escalation triggers you might come across:

• It can’t be resolved at the project level due to authority or resource constraints.
• It threatens scope, schedule, budget, or quality.
• It exceeds risk tolerance thresholds.
• It involves cross-functional conflicts that require leadership alignment.
• Stakeholder buy-in is lacking or resistance is blocking progress.
• It poses compliance, regulatory, or ethical risks.
• It persists despite repeated resolution attempts.

If your issue falls into one of these categories, it’s time to put it into an escalation matrix. Yes, another table—because data-driven decision-making is your best friend.

Step 3: Use an Escalation Matrix 

Risk management is about preventing issues. Escalation frameworks help you resolve the issues that have already happened. Think of it as a structured Cover Your Ass (CYA) plan.

Below is a sample matrix outlining four typical escalation levels from an agency perspective—covering estimated stakeholder involvement, sample issue types, and more. These are just examples—customize them to fit your PMO and how things actually get handled in your world. (Scroll to the right for all steps involved).

Escalation Level	Criteria	Stakeholder Involvement	Escalation Point	Response Time	Issue Description	Issue Impact	Actions Taken	Recommended Next Steps
Level 1: Project Team	Minor blockers	Internal teams handle internally before looping in client.	Team Leads	24 hours	A minor bug affecting a non-critical feature in production.	Minimal impact; the feature is not essential for business operations.	Team investigated the issue and attempted a hotfix but needs approval.	Approve the hotfix and schedule a long-term fix in the next sprint.
Level 2: Your Manager	Cross-team conflicts	Client teams may be engaged to realign expectations.	Creative Director / Strategy Lead	48 hours	A team is blocked due to a misalignment in requirements between departments.	Project timeline delays due to unclear ownership and miscommunication.	Held multiple discussions with stakeholders, but no resolution reached.	Escalate to leadership to align priorities and assign ownership.
Level 3: Project Sponsor/Executive Sponsor	Major budget/ schedule risks	Executive conversations, potential contract renegotiations.	Agency Partner / Client Leadership	48 hours	A project milestone is at risk due to a budget shortfall.	Potential cost overruns and project delays affecting overall delivery.	Reviewed budget allocations and attempted internal cost reallocation.	Request additional budget approval from project sponsor.
Level 4: ALL THE EXECUTIVE LEADERSHIP YOU CAN FIND	Strategic risks, compliance issues	Legal and finance teams work with client procurement/legal teams.	CEO / Legal / Finance	Immediate	A major security vulnerability is discovered that affects regulatory compliance.	Risk of non-compliance with industry regulations, potential fines.	Security team identified the issue and proposed mitigation strategies.	Implement emergency security patches and notify regulatory authorities.

But here’s the thing—escalations aren’t a one-and-done deal. You need to track, follow up, and close them out. Keep your escalation matrix as a running document alongside your project (or overall account) so nothing falls through the cracks.

Here’s how to manage it effectively:

• Assign an owner for tracking escalation progress. (Probably you…)
• Document leadership decisions and next steps. (Written! Always written!)
• Communicate the resolution back to all impacted stakeholders. (In writing. And yes, save that doc for future reference!)
• Capture lessons learned for continuous improvement. (This could be an account-level retrospective or something similar.)

Things to Remember

Stakeholder management isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s messy, exhausting, and sometimes feels like trying to herd caffeinated squirrels. But with the right strategies, you can turn even the most difficult situations into wins.

At the end of the day, success comes down to three things:

• Understanding who you’re dealing with (and adjusting your approach accordingly)
• Building trust and alliances (even if some of those alliances are purely tactical)
• Covering your ass (because documentation and escalation frameworks are your best friends)

And maybe, just maybe, finding that one good stakeholder who makes it all worth it.

So, take what you’ve learned here, apply it, and keep refining your approach. You’re not just managing stakeholders—you’re orchestrating the entire damn symphony.